A few weeks ago, I went on a school retreat. I was nervous, and did not know what to expect, but told myself I was going to remain open about the whole experience. For those of you that know me, I am a very reflective person and know a lot about myself. Before I went on the retreat I thought, “what possibly more could I learn about myself”, but again remained open for what the weekend would bring.
The weekend I had on the retreat seriously changed my life. It made me realized things that I didn’t realize were effecting me, and allowed me to lift so many of the burdens that I had been carrying on my shoulders for years. There are still some things that I am trying to sort through, but one thing I realized is I don’t want life to pass me by.
To understand this more I need to share a bit more of my story. We all have dreams about what high school will look like as a freshman. For me those dreams and visions did not come true, since I was sick all four years. As I crossed the stage and graduated, I thought “things are going to be different, when I went to college.” That statement was wrong again too. I spent freshman year away from home and sicker then ever. Then between the summer between freshman and sophomore year came the diagnosis. My world was turned upside down, I had to learn so much. The first semester was great, but then towards the end of the semester I got really sick again. Six months of searching and we finally determined I was getting sick because I was using mouth wash that contained gluten. That finding did not happen until 2 weeks before I headed back to school for junior year. That semester was pretty good, and my body was beginning to heal, until I was hit with the foot injury (same one I am currently dealing with). I was home every other weekend of second semester junior year to go to doctors or have tests done.
Now I am finally recovering from things, and seem to be finally moving in the right direction.I don’t share this to make you feel bad for me, I only share this to give you insight on where I am coming from. Many people look at everything I am doing and are amazed at what I do, but to me it’s what has to be done. However, as I was reflecting during the weekend, and since then, I have realized I haven’t been living my best life.
Though I have embraced the g-free lifestyle I feel at times I looked at certain situations, and feel held back because I am GF. Even after reading Allergic Girl, I was still putting up walls. They are walls I am ready to take down! No longer do I want to be afraid of new situations because I don’t know what to expect. One of my dreams in life is to travel to europe, and though I still want to do it, I feel that for the past 2 and 1/2 years I have been doubting if that dream will every come true. I worry about dating and work situations, but through having two internships it has helped me deal with particular situations. I have realized that I can no longer have expectations, and just need to start living
As I am approaching my final semester at college, it saddens me that because of particular situations I have missed out on a lot.Some were because of walls I had up, and others were because of outside circumstances that I have had to deal with. However, we can’t go back nor do I want to. I realized I was living my life, being prepared for “what was going to happen next”, with my guard up at all times. I have accepted things are going to come up; just like I have always done, I will deal with them. However, no longer will they hold me back.From this day forward, I am truly ready to live my best gluten-free life!